spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
