Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
