I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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