what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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