Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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