I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
