Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
