She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
