They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
And then he peed in my hair
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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