remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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