One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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