I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
