I wish I could teleport
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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