The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My dick has a subreddit
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Someone signed my nipple.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
