Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
