I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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