She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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