fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
