A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
