If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
