do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
