Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
