my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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