She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
