I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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