margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
