Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
