just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
