We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
