I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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