i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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