I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
