called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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