she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize