There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
