The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
