Say something about gay babies.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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