how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
