just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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