I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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