I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
