I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
