Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
