If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
