I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
