so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
