sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
