Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
