Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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