grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
