I need help removing her.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
