I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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