I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
