Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
