you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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