If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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