I have demons in me.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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