Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
