I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
