apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
