Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
