party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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