Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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