so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
