Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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