you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
