So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize