I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
