It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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